tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71358342011-04-21T20:31:30.659-07:00Sakinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290741388147155843noreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135834.post-1085716490990657202004-05-27T20:52:00.000-07:002004-05-27T20:54:50.990-07:00Weight is +30 and I am trying to lose it now. <br />My small goal is to lose 10 pounds by July 4th. My anniversary and my friends wedding where EVERYONE and their mothers will be there. <br />Is it feasible? I hope so. <br /> <br />tommorow I plan to: work out for 60 minutes....step...walk on treadmill.... for breakfast, a strawberry/banana milkshake...... for lunch a lean cuisine meal and for dinner, a salsa sandwhich baked in a sandwhich maker with a cup of tea.... yummmy.....oh yeah and all the fruits and veggies my little heart desires....... <br /> <br />Currently 161........<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7135834-108571649099065720?l=aishacs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Sakinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290741388147155843noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135834.post-1085715408484733472004-05-27T20:30:00.000-07:002004-05-27T20:36:48.483-07:00I lost 30 pounds before I got married. Two years later- all back. I feel disappointment, and I dont know how to lose it again. Each time I look in the mirror I realize I really have disappointed myself. I worked so hard and now its all in vain. I have a wedding to go to in a month, and its also my anniversary that same weekend. I want to look as good as before, but I can't lose 30 pounds in a month can I? <br /> <br />The worst part is shame. Feeling shame infront of family and friends. We live in a society that judges us by our looks. when I was thin- I know the looks I got. Now I feel like a nothing. A shapeless, sexless person worthy of nobody's desire.... it's a horrible way to feel day in day out... <br /> <br />so i guess the question is....why do i do it? Why do I continue to let myself be this way? I know that I can change the way I am. Its in my control....... yet I consciously eat the trail mix nuts....consciously eat the fried burger..... find a billion and half excuses not to work out..... <br /> <br />I want to change, but I wish I knew what inside of me prevents me from reaching a goal entirely in my hands? <br /> <br />Am I scared to be sexy again? <br />Am I more comfortable with fat? <br />Do i like food more than my desire to look good? <br />Do I think I deserve to feel badly about myself for all time? <br /> <br />Haven't figured out these answeres yet. <br /> <br />But as I did a week ago, and two weeks, and each week for the past year.... tommorow is a new day and I will begin my diet.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7135834-108571540848473347?l=aishacs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Sakinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16290741388147155843noreply@blogger.com2